Friends Season 11
by capitolpress
Summary: Here is my Friends Season 11. Check out my announcement! The season finale, "The One with the Perfect Proposals", is up now!. Director's Cuts of Tow RNO and Tow IP are now up. Rated T. Executive producer: CaptiolPress. Co-Producer: Boris Yeltsin
1. The One with the Second First Date

_**The One with the Second First Date**_

_**Previously on Friends**_

Ross(crying to Phoebe): I really thought she would stay!

_Scene closes and opens to Ross coming into his apartment. He walks over to the answering machine. He plays the message._

Rachel(recording): Ross, hi. It's me. I just got back on the plane, and I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I-I wasn't expecting to see you and all of a sudden you're there, and saying these things, and now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all of the stuff I should've said and I didn't. I mean I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too…because of course I do…I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you!…I've got to see you! I've got to get off of this plane!

Ross: Oh my god!

Rachel(recording): Excuse me ma'am!

Flight attendant(recording): Miss, please sit down!

Rachel(recording): N-no, I-I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane okay, I need to just tell someone that I love them…

Flight attendant(recording): Miss, I can't let you off the plane!

Ross: Let her off the plane!!!

Flight attendant(recording): I am afraid that you are going to have to take your seat.

Rachel(recording): Oh please Miss! You don't understand!

Ross: Try to understand!!!

Rachel(recording): Oh come on Miss! Isn't there any way that you could just let me off of the…

_Answering machine beeps_

Ross: No!!! NO!!!…Oh my god! Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?!

_Ross tries to rewind the machine. Rachel enters from behind him, Ross unknowing._

Rachel: …I got off the plane!

Ross: You got off the plane!

_Ross and Rachel move to each other, embracing one another in a kiss._

_**Opening theme plays**_

_Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's new house. Monica is cleaning._

_Ross and Rachel come in through the door._

Ross: You know you really need to keep these doors locked.

Rachel: Yeah, for all you know we could have been killers or something.

_Phoebe jumps out from behind the door, screaming, causing Rachel and Ross to scream._

Monica: Or you could've been Phoebe.

Phoebe: I was waiting to do that for like, thirty minutes!

Rachel: So Phoebe, Ross and I were wondering if you and Mike wanted to meet us for dinner and a show at Madison Square Garden on Saturday.

Phoebe: Oh, sorry, but I have to work Saturday night, and Mike has the late shift at his Karaoke Bar. How about tomorrow?

Ross: Sorry, but we're kind of having our first date tomorrow.

Monica: You've already been on a first date.

Rachel: Yeah, but this is our first date since we got back together.

Phoebe: Oh that's so sweet! Mike and I can come on Sunday possibly.

Monica: So where are you going?

Ross: I'm taking her to her favorite restaurant and then we're going to see a play.

Rachel: Yeah, it'll be so romantic. Oh by the way Mon, can you watch Emma tomorrow?

Monica: Well, I don't know. I mean we no have two kids of our own and…

Rachel: Thanks!!!

_Rachel pulls Ross out of the house before Monica can debate the situation._

_The scene opens at a restaurant and both are sipping wine._

Rachel: I'm so glad everything worked out between us.

Ross: Yeah. I still can't believe you gave up Paris for me.

Rachel: Yeah, Paris would've been awesome, but you were so worth it.

_Rachel leans into Ross and they kiss. _

Ross: Even though we broke up over seven years ago, I couldn't look at you without wondering if we were meant together.

Rachel: Yeah. I was wondering if…

_Rachel looks over to another table and screams._

Rachel: Oh my g…Mark!

Ross(Under breath): Oh crap.

_Rachel motions him to come over to join them._

Rachel: Hey Mark! I can't believe it's you! I thought you would be in Paris by now.

Mark: Yeah, but I had to come back over to talk to a fabric company. So what's the deal? I thought you would be in Paris now too.

_Ross makes a coughing sound._

Mark: Oh! You and Ross got back together! Congratulations!

Ross(mumbling): Haha! Sucker!

Mark: Pardon me?

Ross: So how've you been Mark!

Mark: Good. I was just worried when the company said you hadn't come off the plane.

Rachel: Yeah. It turns out that this is the place that I want to be.

Mark: Good. Well I have a date, but unless she decides to show up an hour late, I'm all alone.

Rachel: Oh well why don't you come over here.

Mark: Oh thanks!

_Mark goes over to his table to retrieve his things._

Ross: Come on! You HAD to invite him over here!

Rachel: What?! You're still worried about Mark? Ross! Get it through your head! YOU HAVE FINALLY GOT ME! As long as you don't make any unscheduled stops at the Xerox place, we should be fine!

_Before Ross can retort, Mark comes back to the table, chair and wine in hand._

Mark: So Rachel, where do you plan on working now?

Rachel: Well I'm going to try to get my job back at Ralph Lauren.

Mark: That sounds great! Well I'll be looking out for a job for you just in case that doesn't work out.

Rachel: Thanks! You are so sweet!

Ross: Yeah, well I could probably get you a job at the museum if you need it.

Rachel: Yeah, Ross, I really want to work in a place where you digging around in million year old corpses.

_Mark chuckles, making Ross almost flip out._

_Scene fades and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Emma, Jack, Erika, Monica, and Chandler are gathering around the TV watching a Sesame Street DVD._

Big Bird(on TV): Wow! I figured out today that two PLUS two equals four and two MINUS two equals zero! Wow!

_Emma starts clapping and Monica looks over to see Chandler sleeping._

Monica: Wow, Emma! Are you ready to take a nappy poo just like Uncle Chandler?

Emma: Nap time!

_Monica takes Emma along with Jack and Erika to a crib._

Monica: Chandler! Wake up!

_Chandler screams loud and jumped up, still drowsy._

Monica: Chandler! You know it's not easy taking care of four babies, especially when one is thirty-three!

Chandler: Well I'm sorry! You can only watch so much Sesame Street until you HAVE to listen to them when they say TAKE A NAP!!!

_Scene ends and scene opens in the restaurant. Mark and Rachel are laughing. Ross is sitting there looking bored._

Rachel: An then, he puts on the extremely tiny T-Shirt!

Mark(to Ross): I guess some guys will wear anything!

_Ross mocks Mark behind his back._

Ross: I need to go to the bathroom.

_Ross puts a piece of gum into his mouth._

_Scene closes and opens with Ross coming out of the bathroom. A waitress is coming out of the kitchen with their order._

Ross: Oh here! Let me take those plates for you. It's our order anyway.

Waitress: Oh thanks!

_Ross takes the plates from waitress. When waitress is out of site, Ross spits on Mark's plate of spaghetti. Ross proceeds to the table._

Ross: Hey guys! Dinner!

Mark and Rachel: Oh great!

_Ross sits down and hands Mark and Rachel their plates. As Ross sits down, out of the corner of his eye, he sees along with his carefully hidden wad of spit, his piece of cinnamon gum hidden in the noodles._

Ross(nervously): Dinner time!

_The group proceeds with eating. After a few seconds of chewing, Mark begins to speak._

Mark: Huh. This spaghetti seems to have a sweet flavor to it. Huh. It's nice.

_Ross begins to panic in his eyes. Rachel notices and words out "What!?". Just then, Mark begins to choke._

Rachel: Oh my god! Mark! Somebody help!

Ross: Oh crap! I just wanted to prank him, not kill him!

_Scene closes. New scene opens in Monica and Chandler's living room. Chandler and Monica are watching a movie. The babies are asleep in a crib in the center of the room. They get a phone call and the babies wake up crying._

Monica: Chandler get the phone!

Chandler answers the phone.

Chandler: Chandler here.

Rachel(on phone): Oh my god! Thank goodness you guys are there. Mark choked on some food and they're taking him to the hospital. His lungs are badly effected because it turns out he had asthma.

Chandler: Oh my god!

Rachel(on phone): Can you guys come down to the hospital on 10th?

Chandler: Yeah, but I'll stay with the babies and Monica can come up there.

Rachel(on phone): Ok. That'll have to do. Tell her to hurry, Chandler, I'm really scared.

Chandler: Don't worry.

Chandler hangs up phone.

Monica: What is it?

Chandler: It's Mark. Her old friend remember? He's in critical condition. She wants you to come up to the hospital on 10th. I'll watch the babies. You go.

_Without a word Monica rushes out the door._

_**Credits play.**_

_Scene opens in the hospital. Rachel enters to the sitting room where Ross is seated, reading a magazine._

Rachel: Oh my god! They said he choked on gum! One of the waiters must have spit in his food!

Ross(nervously): Uh-huh.

_Ross has a very nervous look on his face, although Rachel doesn't see it due to her panic._

_Scene fades to black._

**Stay tuned for the next episode.**


	2. The One where Mark comes for Christmas

The One where Mark Come Over for Christmas

**Author's Note: **_I know this story didn't really have very much of the other friends other than Rachel and Ross. Don't worry, the next episode includes mostly them. The new episode will be up around December 29th__, but not before Christmas._

_**Previously on Friends**_

_Scene closes and opens with Ross coming out of the bathroom. A waitress is coming out of the kitchen with their order._

Ross: Oh here! Let me take those plates for you. It's our order anyway.

Waitress: Oh thanks!

_Ross takes the plates from waitress. When waitress is out of site, Ross spits on Mark's plate of spaghetti. Ross proceeds to the table._

Ross: Hey guys! Dinner!

Mark and Rachel: Oh great!

_Ross sits down and hands Mark and Rachel their plates. As Ross sits down, out of the corner of his eye, he sees along with his carefully hidden wad of spit, his piece of cinnamon gum hidden in the noodles._

Ross(nervously): Dinner time!

_The group proceeds with eating. After a few seconds of chewing, Mark begins to speak._

Mark: Huh. This spaghetti seems to have a sweet flavor to it. Huh. It's nice.

_Ross begins to panic in his eyes. Rachel notices and words out "What!?". Just then, Mark begins to choke._

Rachel: Oh my god! Mark! Somebody help!

_**Opening Credits**_

_Scene closes and opens at the hospital. Monica rushes in towards Rachel._

Monica: Rachel! Is Mark okay?

Rachel: They said he is going to be fine, but he'll be forced to stay in the hospital until Christmas.

Monica: That's not so bad. It's only three days.

Rachel: Yeah, but he's got nowhere to go once he gets out.

Monica: Why don't you ask him to stay with you and Ross?

Rachel: I don't know. I mean Ross was really jealous of him when we were dating.

Monica: It's been almost eight years. I think Ross is over it.

_Ross is standing behind the corner, and he hears it all. He immediately leaves without saying goodbye to Rachel or Monica._

_Scene opens in Joey's apartment. He is in his recliner watching TV. Ross enters._

Ross: Joey I need to tell you something.

_Joey turns around in his chair._

Joey: What Ross?

Ross: I think I almost killed Mark.

_Long pause._

Joey: Who?

Ross: Remember Mark? The reason Rachel and I broke up?

Joey: Oh yeah. WHAT!!! You killed him!

_Joey runs toward the phone._

Joey: I'm going to report you to the police! Hey, what's the number for 911 again?

Ross: Joey! I didn't kill him. I almost did.

Joey: How?

Ross: Well I was taking his food to him at the restaurant…

Joey: You guys were going out?

Ross: Ew no! I was out with Rachel and he was there and Rachel invited him over. Well I was taking him his food and then I spit on it just to get a little laugh at him. Well I guess I accidentally spit my gum on his spaghetti, and he choked on it.

Joey: Wow. What did Rachel say about that?

Ross: I haven't told her yet.

Joey: What?

Ross: She'll think I did it on purpose.

Joey: It sounds like you did!

_Scene closes and new scene opens at Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is propping Mark up on a pillow and hands him the remote and a beer._

Rachel: There you go. You just get better!

Mark: Thanks Rachel. I'm lucky I ran into you. I was going to have to spend Christmas all alone.

Rachel: It's no problem. Now, we'll go over to Monica's tonight and you will just relax and have a good time.

Mark: I'm glad I get to go to your party. Do I need to bring anything?

Rachel: Well we're playing Dirty Santa, but you really don't need to bring anything unless you want me to pick you up something now. I was going to pick up Emma from Monica and Chandler's anyway. I can't wait to hear how she liked having a two day sleepover at Auntie Monica and Auntie Chandler's house!

Mark: That'd be great. Hey, I thought Chandler was her Uncle.

Rachel: Oh he is, but that's what Emma calls him since she can't say Uncle yet. I'll be back in an about two hours.

_Rachel moves towards Mark giving him a quick peck on the lips. She turns to walk out the door. Just as Rachel is leaving, Ross comes in the door._

Ross: Oh. Hey Mark.

Rachel: It's okay if Mark stays here until his flight for Paris leaves, right?

Ross(irritated): Sure.

Rachel: Thanks honey.

_Rachel kisses him and walks out the door to get Mark's gift._

_Ross and Mark are alone in the apartment. It is very awkward._

Mark: So, Ross, how's things going?

Ross: Good. I got back with Rachel, and that's good.

Mark: Yeah…

Ross: Do you want to watch TV?

Mark(relieved): Oh sure!

_Ross sits on the couch plenty space away from Mark. He turns on the TV to Discovery Channel. Mark makes a disgusted face._

Mark: Do you have any good channels?

Ross: This is good! They're discussing the history of the universe!

Mark: You call that good?

Ross: Well yeah! It's so informational.

Mark: No offense, but you're a dork!

Ross: You know what? If it weren't for Rachel, you would have no where to go for Christmas!

Mark: I thought we were friends!

Ross: Oh sure! Were good friends! Oh by the way, FRIEND! Thanks for ruining mine and Rachel's relationship eight years ago!

Mark: What? I'm the reason you guys broke up?

Ross: Yeah! I was saying how you only hired her because you wanted to date her, and that's when I started sending all of that stuff, and then Rachel said we should go on a break, and then I cheated on her with the hot girl at the Xerox place, and then we got back together, and then Rachel found out, and then we broke up for real, and I said we were on a break, and she said we weren't and IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Mark: Wow. I had no idea.

Ross: And seeing you at that restaurant made me nervous that it would happen again. And that's why I spit in your food.

Mark: You mean this was all your fault.

Ross: Yes.

Mark: Wow.

Ross: Well, compared to what you did, it's not that bad.

Mark(angry): I didn't do anything! YOU almost killed me! I'm telling Rachel!

Ross: No!

_Ross tackles Mark._

_Scene closes and opens back in the same setting. Ross is pinned down by Mark._

Mark: I almost died!

Ross: I know! I didn't mean for my gum to get stuck in your spaghetti too. I'm sorry.

Mark: Well apology accepted, but I'm still telling Rachel!

Ross: Please no! I'll tell her myself after the party. No sense on making her angry on Christmas.

Mark: Fine. I'm going to get my stuff together and go to a hotel. Just tell Rachel I didn't want to impose.

Ross: Fine. I'll see you at the party tonight.

_Mark exits to the other room to retrieve his things._

_Scene opens at Monica and Chandler's apartment. The party is underway. Mark, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, Mike, Gunther, Mr. Tregar, and a few other guests are present. Enter Ross and Rachel holding Emma._

Rachel/Ross: Hey!

Monica: Hey. Put your gift under the tree. We'll play Dirty Santa around seven.

Ross: It's a Christmas Party Monica, you don't have to have a schedule.

Monica: But a schedule makes the party organized!

Ross: It also makes it less fun.

_Rachel goes over to the play pen where Jack and Erika are playing. She sits Emma down and heads over to Mark._

Rachel: Oh hey, Mark! Ross told me that you went to a hotel. It really was no problem. You could have stayed as long as you wanted.

Mark: I know, but it really made me uncomfortable. By the way, when are we going to do something? This party is getting slow.

_Ross announces that Dirty Santa is about to start. Monica quietly chews him out and hits him with a present. Ross heads over to the tree and places his gifts under it. Chandler is standing by._

Chandler: Be careful when you ruin Monica's schedule. When I did it right before you got here, she rammed a platter in my gut.

Monica(screaming across the room): You told everyone it was time to go!

_Scene closes and opens with everyone around the Christmas tree, unwrapping their gifts._

Joey: Oh crap! Not another Hugsy! He'll be so jealous!

Phoebe: How do you think I feel! All I got was soap!

Mike: Who's gifts were these?

_Chandler and Monica look away._

Mark: I know I have no place to talk, but this party sucked.

_Everyone begins to leave. Monica frantically tries to stop people from leaving to no avail._

Monica(screaming down the hall to everyone): Thanks for coming!

_Chandler begins to leave too._

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: What? It really did suck!

_Scene closes and opens again in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel comes form the back of the apartment._

Rachel: Now Emma's down for the night, so do you want to watch a movie or something?

Ross: No, I'm tired. I think I'll just turn in. So what did Mark say when you talked to him earlier?

Rachel: Nothing much, but the doctors said that he could fly back to Paris in two days as long as he has his inhaler with him.

Ross: Good. Well, I'm going to hit the hay.

Rachel: Goodnight honey.

_Rachel goes to the couch to sit down. Ross heads to his bedroom, looking guilty._

Ross: Rach, wait.

Rachel: What Ross?

Ross: There's something I need to tell you. It's about Mark.

_**Ending Credits.**_

Stay tuned for episode 3, "The One with all of the Shopping".


	3. The One with Rachel's New Offer

The One with Rachel's New Offer

_Scene opens with Joey waling into Ross' apartment. The house is a mess and Ross is wearing only boxers and looking very depressed._

Joey: Hey Ross. You still taking your and Rachel's breakup hard?

Ross mumbles something and lays down face first in a pillow.

Joey: Hey man, it's not that bad.

Ross leans up, obviously angry.

Ross: Not that bad? When I told her what I did to Mark she couldn't stop hurdling those pans at my head!

Joey: Well for all we know it's "Throw Pans at Ross" Day!

_Ross tackles Joey_

_**Opening theme is played**_

_Scene opens at the Central Perk with Rachel sitting on the couch _

_whispering to Monica. Ross enters, and Rachel abruptly exits immediately._

Ross: Rach, wait!

Monica: Wow. You really stepped in it this time!

Ross: She told you huh.

Monica: I can't believe you didn't trust Rachel! That is the exact same reason you broke up before.

Ross: I know it was stupid of me, but they just seemed to be getting too close!

Monica: It's okay for women to have guys friends!

Ross: I know…I just can't believe I let this slip through my fingers again.

_Rachel walks back in the door and orders a muffin to go. She turns around to see Ross and takes the muffin. She crushes it and squishes the crumbs in his hair. Gunther is standing behind the counter smiling widely. Ross stares angrily at him. Gunther leaves quietly._

Ross: So where's Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler?

Monica: Well Joey took Phoebe to the ear doctor due to an ear ache, and Chandler is at the gym with our new neighbor and his sons.

Ross: You got new neighbors?

Monica: Yeah. The guy is named Keith and he is very athletic and fit. His kids are and eight year old over achieving athlete named Tommy, and a eighteen year old girl magnet named Ken. He has a live-in girlfriend who his a tall dumb-blonde named Kendra who makes ME look like a slob.

Ross: She's that clean?

Monica: Yeah! She doesn't allow shoes in the house! She even makes you go through a thorough sponge bath before entering the living room. She doesn't even let anyone use the shower without her rubbing you down in oil.

Ross: Ew.

Monica: Yeah.

_Scene closes and opens in a gym locker room. Chandler, Keith, Ken, and Tommy are coming out of the showering area. They are all wrapped in towels._

Keith: That was a fantastic workout!

Chandler: Yeah. I only threw up twice.

_Tommy sneaks around the locker bank._

Chandler: Well I'll just go to a stall and change now.

Keith: What? Why do you have to change? We're all guys here! You are, aren't you?

Chandler: Yes, you figured that out when you looked over my shower stall to tell me something.

Ken: Then you have nothing to hide.

Tommy is positioned behind Chandler, grinning. He has Chandler's clothes in his hands. Ken gives Tommy a wink and Tommy rips away Chandler's covering.

Chandler: Ah!

Tommy, Keith, and Ken burst out laughing. Chandler grabs another towel and wraps up.

Chandler: Give me back my clothes!

Keith: Don't worry man! Tommy's only messing with you! Okay Tom, give him back his clothes.

Tommy: No!

Keith: Well he's made up his mind!

_Tommy heads over to the towel chute._

Chandler: What are you doing? No!

_Tommy dumps Chandler's clothes down the chute._

_Chandler freaks out and runs off._

_Keith, Tommy, and Ken burst out into more laughter._

_Scene closes and opens up at Central Perk. Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch. Chandler comes in the door still in his towel._

Monica: What happened to you!

Chandler: Those guys stole my clothes!

Monica: Why?

Chandler: I don't know! Can we just go please!

_Monica says bye to Ross and she rushes out the door to unlock the car to head back to their house._

_Ross is sitting on the couch reading "National Geographic". Rachel walks in and has a very stern look on her face. Ross looks stunned she is here. He invites her to sit down, but she refuses._

Rachel: Ross, we need to talk.

Ross: What's wrong?

Rachel: I've been offered a new job in Paris.

_**Ending Credits **_


	4. The One in Paris

The One in Paris

Previously on Friends:

_Ross is sitting on the couch reading "National Geographic". Rachel walks in and has a very stern look on her face. Ross looks stunned she is here. He invites her to sit down, but she refuses._

Rachel: Ross, we need to talk.

Ross: What's wrong?

Rachel: I've been offered a new job in Paris.

_**Opening Theme**_

_(Two Months Later)_

_Scene opens in Monica's house. Rachel, Monica, and Chandler are sitting in the living room watching TV._

Monica: So, Rach, don't you have to be getting ready for your flight right about now?

Rachel: Yeah. I should be going. Man, I'm going to really miss you guys.

Chandler: So you still haven't talked to Ross?

Rachel: No, he won't answer my calls, and whenever I get to our apartment, he's gone.

Monica: Yeah, it's really been getting him down. It's been two days since _I've talked to him, but you can still tell he's really upset._

Rachel: I really need to talk to him. If you see him, tell him to call me.

Monica: Okay.

Rachel: I'm going to go get Emma now.

_Rachel leaves._

_Monica and Chandler just stand motionless for five minutes. Ross quietly walks in without them knowing._

Chandler: Man, Ross must be depressed.

Monica: Yeah. I can't believe he's losing both of them.

Chandler: Too bad he can't just go after her in Paris.

Ross: Thanks guys!

_Ross leaves immediately_.

Chandler/Monica: Crap!

_Scene closes and opens in Joey's apartment. Joey and his date are making out on his couch. Ross rushes in and startles the pair._

Ross: Joey! Get dressed and meet me at the airport! We're going after Rachel!

_Joey's date starts out the door._

Joey: No! Wait!

_Joey looks angrily at Ross. Ross runs out of the apartment._

Ross(Screaming down the Hall): Meet me at the airport in one hour!

_Scene closes and opens at Newark Airport. The five friends along with Mike are in line to board._

Monica: I can't believe you talked us all into going with you, Ross! I'm just glad Mom could baby sit Jack and Erika on such short notice.

Phoebe: I can. Like I've said before, Paris is a city of Gunthers! I wasn't about to miss out on that!

_Everyone stares at Phoebe._

Joey: Well you didn't have to come and ruin my date that was just about to amount to something!

Ross: You were making out on the couch!

Joey: So? That was just the pre-game!

_Everyone shudders._

Chandler: Well it's okay with me. Keith and Kendra were going to come over tomorrow and give us full body makeovers.

Ross: Your new neighbors really seem to be obsessed with seeing you two naked.

Monica: It's frightening.

_Lady over an intercom comes on and announces last call for flight 105 Paris._

Ross: This is it.

_The gang boards the plane._

_Scene closes and opens in a Paris airport._

_The gang is coming out of the gate and heading towards customs._

Mike: It was completely uncalled for!

Joey: What? It so was not!

Ross: What happened?

Mike: Joey came into the bathroom while I was in there!

Joey: What's wrong with that?

Mike: There's only one room!

Joey: So?

Mike: You started to pee in the same toilet as me!

_The whole group stares at Joey._

Joey: What? We both got the same stuff!

_The group continues to stare._

Monica: So where did Rach say she worked?

Ross: Some place called Est Maintenant à la mode on 5th street.

Chandler: What does that even mean?

Mike: Now is the Fashion.

_All stare at him._

Mike: What? In law school they made us learn French, Spanish, and German in case of international cases.

Joey: And they thought I was weird.

_Group exits airport._

_Scene closes and opens in a five-star hotel lobby. The gang is entering and heading to the check-in desk. They all start to head towards the desk._

Joey: Ooh! Cookies!

_Joey leaves to eat cookies._

Phoebe: Mon, you did get a two bedroom suite so we could all share, right?

Monica: Of course.

_The person in front of the group finishes and it is Monica and Chandler's turn._

John(the clerk): How may I help you?

Monica: The Double room suite. Name: Bing.

John: Ok. Here's your room key.

Monica: So how long are you and your brother planning on staying in our fair city?

_Monica and Chandler glance at each other._

Monica: This is my husband!

John: Oh, that's a shame. You could've done way better. What about blondie over there?

Phoebe: Thanks, but I'm also married.(Phoebe points to Ross)Now Ross is all alone!

_Ross whimpers and walks away towards Joey who is munching on free cookies._

Ross: So do you want to share a room to cut down the cost?

Joey: Okay, but I get the living room bed.

Ross: Crap!

_Scene closes and opens in Ross and Joey's hotel room. There are two beds in the center of the room._

Joey: I call the one closest to the TV!

Ross: I have got to start thinking clearer!

_Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Mike all walk in._

Monica: Okay, I thought that we would go grab some lunch at one of those outside cafés and pick up some food, then head to Rachel's studio and surprise her with lunch.

Ross: Sounds like a plan.

_The group heads out the door._

_Scene closes and opens in the lobby of Est Maintenant __à la mode. Joey and the group walk in the door. He has raspberry sauce all over his white shirt._

Chandler: You do know that when someone yells DUCK! That it usually means a Frisbee is heading towards your head right?

Joey: How was I supposed to know that's what that French guy meant?

Chandler: I was the one who yelled it!

_Monica, Ross, and Phoebe and Mike head to the desk while Joey and Chandler argue._

Secretary: How may I help you?

Phoebe: Yes, may we see Rachel Greene?

Secretary: I'm sorry, but Ms. Greene is in the middle of a photo shoot at this moment. That and I really shouldn't allow that man covered in raspberries up into the loft.

Monica: I'm sorry, but we were her best friends back in New York.

Secretary: Oh, your those guys! Oh, Ms. Greene never stops talking about you.(Angrily)I mean NEVER!

_They all stare at her nervously._

Secretary: Maybe if she sees you guys, it will shut her up for a while.

_Secretary pushes a button and a buzzing sound alarms. The elevator behind the desk opens._

Secretary: Before you go, I must ask that this…man changes.

Joey: Into what?

_The secretary picks up a shirt from behind the counter and walks over to Joey. She rips the shirt off of him and buttons up the new one._

_Joey looks alarmed throughout the whole process._

_The group heads up and scene closes. Scene opens with Rachel directing a photo shoot of a man and a woman in very marvelous dress clothes._

Rachel(in French): More flare! More Sexy!(turning to a taco, bites, and looks dissatisfied(In English)) More meat!

_Group comes up the elevator and walks out into the penthouse loft. Rachel turns around and gasps._

Rachel: OMG!(Turning to crew) Cut! Cut! Take 5 everybody!

_Crew disassembles._

Rachel: Oh, you guys!

_Rachel heads towards the group and hugs them all._

Monica: Wow! You sure have made quite a life for yourself here!

Phoebe: It's hard to believe it's only been three weeks.

Rachel: Yeah. It was pretty hard the first week, but then I took a class on all the words you need to know in the fashion industry and office small talk, so I'm good.

Mike: I'm glad you're having fun. I spent a whole month here studying the language. Before we go, I need to give you a tour of the town. I went everywhere.

_Phoebe shoves her husband out of the way._

Phoebe: Rach!

Rachel: Pheebs!

_Rachel and Phoebe hug. Rachel hugs Chandler and then Joey._

Joey: Hey, your hot secretary ripped off my shirt!

Rachel: Oh yeah. The French are more secure with bodies, so it's not an issue for them.

_Joey makes a puzzling face._

_Rachel turns to Ross. They both hug._

Rachel: I'm glad you came.

Ross: Me too. So where's Emma?

Rachel: I have a nanny and she's hanging out in my penthouse.

Joey: Penthouse?!

Rachel: Not like the magazine! But yeah. The company lets me rent it for a very cheap rate. It's almost as cheap as my half of the rent back at Monica's, and twice as big as the whole thing.

_Monica tries not to be jealous._

Monica: So, we brought you some lunch!

Rachel: Oh, it's not French food is it?

Monica:…well…yeah.

Rachel: Yuck! I had that food for the last three weeks! I finally broke down today and bought me a taco, but they are so health conscious that it barely had any meat in them.

Monica: So what are we going to do with this food?

Joey: I'm on it!

_Joey heads to the bag of food._

Phoebe: So you get to direct all of this?

Rachel: Well not all the time. Only when I design the outfits.(Rachel indicates towards the formal ware on the models)

Monica: Oh! I love that dress!

Rachel: Great! Kimberly?

_Rachel's assistant rushes over._

Kimberly: Yes Madame?

Rachel: Pleas retrieve a size Medium Type C Ballgown from the storage room please?

Kimberly: Yes, Madame.

Monica: Wow! You have your own assistant?

Rachel: Yeah. It's was really cool at first, but not so much anymore.

Mike: Really?

Rachel: No, It ROCKS!

Chandler: So do you have to do anything else today, or can you come with us and go sight seeing?

Rachel: I really should stay and finish the shoot, but…Okay!

_Kimberly rushes back from the elevator carrying a gown._

Rachel: Thank you Kimberly. Please tell Elena that I am clocking out early today.

Kimberly: Yes, Madame.

_Kimberly rushes back to the elevator._

Rachel: SO COOL!

_Scene closes and opens with the group standing on the Eiffel Tower. The group is standing all in line looking over the city._

Ross(Thinking): Wow. This would be the perfect time to apologize to Rachel. It is just so dang romantic up here. I think I'll just mosy on over there and…

_As Ross starts to head closer to Rachel, Mark comes up the elevator. _

Ross: Crap!

_Everyone including Mark looks at Ross._

Ross: I think I dropped my gum.

Rachel: Hey, Mark!

_Mark and Rachel exchange double kisses._

Rachel: I invited Mark to come hang out with us today. Well not US.(she points to herself, Monica, and Phoebe) but you guys.

Ross: What?

Rachel: Yeah. I have reservations for us girls to go to the Détente Dim spa house. I also have reservations for you five to go to the man's side of the spa to get massages and mud baths.

Chandler: Doesn't that sound kind of girly?

Monica: Oh what do you know? You take bubble baths all the time at the house.

_Everyone laughs at Chandler._

Mark: It is actually very relaxing. You sit in the tubs, go to the steam rooms, head for your massage, and then back to the baths. It's very soothing.

Chandler: Fine.

_The group heads towards the elevator._

_Scene closes and opens at the spa house. All five guys are in robes and are heading towards the mud bath part of the building._

_The group enters._

Ross: So do we leave while the others get in, or…

_Mark drops his robe and just stands there._

_The others are dumbfounded._

Joey: What are you doing?

Mark: What? I'm getting in.

_Mark gets in the bath._

Joey: But you just dropped it there!

Mark: Oh. I see. Don't worry, the janitors will pick up the robe.

Joey: But you didn't care if anyone saw you.

Mark: Of course not. We've all got the same stuff.

Joey: I don't know…

Mark: The French don't care about nakedness at all. They are all very free.

Joey(To Mike): I told you!

_Joey drops his robe and hops in his bath._

_Ross, Mike, and Chandler are reluctant, but all eventually get in._

Chandler: Oh mother of heaven, this is way better than my bubble baths.

Ross: Wow. This really feels good.

Mark: It will really feel good when they do you full body massage.

_All of the guys get a disturbed look on their faces._

Mark: Oh don't worry. To make it more comfortable, all of the women get massaged by men and all of the men get massaged by women.

_They all get great looks on their faces._

_Scene closes and opens in the lounge room. The guys are sitting in their robes when the girls come in also wearing robes._

Rachel: So how was your girlie day out?

Ross: It was great.

_All of the other guys agree._

Monica: I don't know about ours. That guy that massaged us looked kind of familiar.

Phoebe: You just weren't used to someone that masculine rubbing you naked. You're used to flabby Chandler, that's all.

Chandler: Hey!

Monica: I don't know…

Rachel: Oh, by the way you guys, I have reservations at the steakhouse on main at six, so let's head back to the hotel and get ready.

_Scene closes and opens in Ross and Joey's hotel room._

_Ross comes out of the bathroom in his underwear. He heads to his bed. _

Joey: I'm in.

_Joey takes off all of his clothes and heads to the bathroom in the buff._

Ross: Joey!

Joey: What? The French are okay with it.

Ross: I'm not French!

Joey: Fine!

_Joey heads to the bathroom, but moons Ross before heading into the room._

_Scene closes and reopens at the Steakhouse. All eight are around the table and are preparing to eat their food._

_Everyone clanks their glasses together._

Everyone: Cheers!

_Everyone drinks champagne._

_Rachel takes a bite out of her Ravioli._

Rachel: Ow!

_Rachel pulls a ring out of her ravioli._

_Rachel glares at Ross._

Rachel: Of all the nerve! You dare put an engagement ring in my food after what you did to Mark? What is wrong with you?!

_Rachel storms out._

Ross: Rach, wait!

_Everyone looks at Ross._

Ross: What? I didn't do it!

Phoebe: Well Ross, it is very like you to do something like that!

Ross: But I didn't do it!

Monica: Well, if you didn't…then…

_Everyone looks at Mark._

Mark: Yeah…

_Ross leaves immediately._

Monica: Hey, Phoebe.

Phoebe: What?

Monica: That's the same guy from the spa house.

Phoebe: Wow, you're right. Maybe it's just his night job.

Monica: Well, maybe…Oh no! I forgot about him! He's the guy from the check-in desk in the hotel!

_Monica gets up and goes over to the waiter._

Monica: Well listen here, buddy!

John: What?

Monica: You thought you could stalk me and I wouldn't find out?

John: But I…

Monica: But nothing! Get out of my life you creep!!!

_Monica slaps him across the face._

John: What did I do?

Monica: Did you not understand what I just said? Stop stalking me!

John: But it wasn't me!

Monica: Of course it was! You were the guy from the hotel AND the spa house too!

John: But those were my triplet brothers!

_Monica gasps._

Monica: I'm sorry I disturbed you.

_Monica sits back down._

_John leaves to the bathroom._

_John looks at pictures he took from Monica's full body massage._

John: HAHAHA!!!

_Scene closes and opens at Rachel's Penthouse. Rachel is sitting on her couch and crying. Ross enters._

Ross: Rach,…

Rachel: Just go away Ross.

Ross: But…

Rachel: But nothing! I thought that once you got here, you'd be mature about our situation and just accept it, but apparently you just wanted to go the extra step to embarrass me! How dare you-

Ross: It was Mark's ring!

Rachel: What?

Ross: It was Mark who was going to propose.

Rachel: But…

_The door buzzes. Rachel heads to the intercom._

Rachel: Who is it?

Mark: It's me.

Rachel: Come on up. Ross! You've got to hide!

_Ross hides in Rachel's walk-in living room closet._

_Mark comes in the door._

Mark: So there was something I was wanting to ask you back in the restaurant, but you sort of stormed out before I could ask.

Rachel(Nervously): What?

_Mark kneels on one knee._

Mark: Rachel Greene, will you marry me?

_**Ending Credits**_

_Scene opens in a clothes store. Joey walks in in his underwear._

The woman clerk: What are you doing?

Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I need new clothes.

Clerk: Well why are you in your underwear.

Joey: Because I felt like it.

Clerk: You can't do that here.

Joey: Oh, I'm sorry.

_Joey removes his boxers._

_Clerk gasps._

Clerk: SECURITY!!!

_Scene fades to black._

Joey(Screaming): But I thought you all liked naked people!!!

***Executive Producer: CapitolPress**

**Co-Producer: Boris Yeltsin**

**Author's Note: **Thanks to my new friend Boris Yeltsin for the idea of the stalker! This episode was originally in two parts as many of you may know from my episode list, but I wanted to get the story out there so much, so I made it into a super-size episode to make it up to all of you who have stuck by me even though my last episode was kind of crumby and I haven't been able to keep up with my release dates.

TTYL,

CapitolPress


	5. The One in Florida

The One in Florida

_**Previously On Friends**_

_Scene closes and opens at Rachel's Penthouse. Rachel is sitting on her couch and crying. Ross enters._

Ross: Rach,…

Rachel: Just go away Ross.

Ross: But…

Rachel: But nothing! I thought that once you got here, you'd be mature about our situation and just accept it, but apparently you just wanted to go the extra step to embarrass me! How dare you-

Ross: It was Mark's ring!

Rachel: What?

Ross: It was Mark who was going to propose.

Rachel: But…

_The door buzzes. Rachel heads to the intercom._

Rachel: Who is it?

Mark: It's me.

Rachel: Come on up. Ross! You've got to hide!

_Ross hides in Rachel's walk-in living room closet._

_Mark comes in the door._

Mark: So there was something I was wanting to ask you back in the restaurant, but you sort of stormed out before I could ask.

Rachel(Nervously): What?

_Mark kneels on one knee._

Mark: Rachel Greene, will you marry me?

_**Opening Credits**_

_Scene re-opens in Rachel's Penthouse. Ross is hiding in the closet and Rachel is being proposed to by Mark._

Mark: So, what do you think?

Rachel: I…I…I…

Mark: So would you marry me?

Rachel: I……Would?!

_Mark stands back up._

Mark: Would you marry me?

Rachel: What do you mean?

Mark: Is this ring stunning enough?

Rachel: I…I…

Mark: I was testing it out to see what a woman's reaction would be. I'm proposing to Kimberly tomorrow.

Rachel: Oh…well then it's a very beautiful ring.

Mark: Thanks. Okay, I'll catch you at work tomorrow.

Rachel: Wait, I'm going on my vacation for two weeks.

Mark: Oh, that's right. You're heading back to the states.

Rachel: Yeah, so would you make sure to tell them on Monday?

Mark: Sure. Bye Rach.

Mark leaves. Out side Rachel's apartment, Mark is standing there.

Mark: I almost did it this time. Next time will be it.

_Scene goes to inside the apartment. Ross emerges from his hiding space._

Ross: Told you!

Rachel: Yeah, Ross. You told me. Now I'm even more embarrassed because I thought he was proposing to me!

_Rachel throws a fashion magazine at him._

Ross: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I convinced everyone to come to Paris. I'm evil. I am sorry that I still love you.

Rachel: What?

Ross: I still love you. You're the one who broke up with me.

Rachel: Ross, we've had this conversation many times. I broke up with you because I was mad at you. Not because I stopped loving you!

Ross: Then let's give us another chance!

Rachel: I'm sorry Ross, but what you did is very bad. You tried to kill Mark.

Ross: No I didn't! I was just trying to play a little joke on him for what happened last time.

Rachel: What happened last time wasn't his fault! Did HE cheat on me?

Did HE keep his mistress hiding behind a door while I poured my heart out to him?…No.

Ross: I'm sorry. I won't bring this up again. Let's just put on a happy face for the rest of the group.

Rachel: Fine. Like I said, I'm heading back to the states for two weeks.

Ross: Great. We should all take a trip to get the weight of our problems off our shoulders. I know! We should all go to Florida.

Rachel: I don't know Ross. You remember how we got back in Montauk.

Ross: Just One weekend. Then we'll head back to New York.

Rachel: Fine. Let's go tell the others.

_Scene closes and opens in a Paris airport. Everyone is in line to board._

Mike: So how much is this costing all of us?

Ross: Not much. About $150 each. I got a great discount. There's actually a paleontology seminar I am speaking at in Miami, so we got tickets for a real flat rate.

Monica: Ross! You didn't tell us about that! It's Barbados all over again!

Ross: Don't worry. You guys don't have to do anything paleontology related. I don't even really want to speak.

_Everyone sighs a relief._

Announcer: Flight 265 Miami, Florida final boarding call.

Chandler: Let's get going.

Phoebe: Joey, are you all right? You've been acting strange ever since we left the restaurant.

Joey: Well I went to this clothing store in my boxers, and-

Rachel: Joey! That is not allowed here either!

Joey: That's what the clerk said, so…

All: Ewww!

Ross: You went naked in a clothing store?

Joey: I thought they liked naked people!

Rachel: No, I said they're tolerant. No one ever goes around flashing everyone they meet!

Joey: Well I didn't know!

_The group begins to argue, and forgets to head to the gate._

Announcer: The flight 265 Miami, Florida is leaving in five minutes. I repeat: 5 minutes.

_Everyone rushes towards the gate._

_Scene closes and opens in the Miami airport. The group is emerging from the gate. Everyone is gasping for air._

Everyone: Joey!

Joey: Sorry! It must've been all of those enchiladas I had for dinner.

Ross: That was nasty! That old lady behind you even passed out.

Joey: I know. That was totally awesome!

Chandler: Not really. Me and the sixty other guys on the plane had to hold it because you almost blew out the bathroom!

_Joey laughs hysterically._

Ross: Our cab should be right outside.

_The group heads to meet the cab._

_Scene closes and opens outside of a beach house on the coast._

Rachel: I can't believe you didn't know we'd be getting a cabin instead of a hotel room!

Ross: Sorry! They just said the place I was staying at was four stars.

Rachel: I doubt this is four stars.

_The group goes in the front door. They come in to see a gorgeous hardwood floor beach house with elegant paintings and furniture. There is a flat screen in the living room and a walk in refrigerator._

Joey(looking at the refrigerator): Come to papa!

_Joey heads to the refrigerator._

Phoebe: Wow. It's so elegant!

Monica: And so clean!

_They all disband and explore their new beach house._

_Scene closes and opens at the dinner table later that night._

_The group is sitting around the table just finishing off a pan of lasagna._

Mike: Monica, even though I haven't known you very long, if someone asked me to describe you it would be great cook.

_Everyone heartily agrees._

Ross: What does everyone want to do now?

Rachel: Well Pheebs and I heard about a bonfire party going on down at the pier. Maybe we could go there?

Joey: I wanna play a game.

Ross: Not strip Happy Days Game.

Joey: I know.

Chandler: Then what?

Joey: Truth or Dare.

Chandler: Great! Oh no, but does that mean I'll have to tell who I like? Or give away one of my school girl secrets? We're not in the second grade!

Joey: It can still be fun.

Ross: Okay, then Joey, you start.

_Joey looks around the table._

Joey: It'll be guys against girls.

_Everyone agrees._

Joey: Okay. Truth or dare?

_The girls think it over._

Monica: Truth.

Joey: Okay…If you had to make out with Me, Chandler, or Mike, who would it be.

_They all wait for an answer._

Monica: Joey.

Chandler: MONICA!!!

Monica: I'm sorry! It was truth!

Rachel: Okay, okay, okay. Guys, truth or dare?

Joey: Truth.

Rachel: If you had to do one weird thing, what would it be?

Joey: Sleep in the same bed as Mike, Chandler, and Ross.

The other guys agree.

Ross: Truth or dare?

Phoebe: Dare! Dare!

_The guys take time and think it over._

Chandler: Okay. We dare you all to Skinny Dip.

The girls gasp.

Joey: What's wrong? Chicken?

_The guys start making chicken noises._

Rachel: Fine! But you guys can't watch us undress.

Guys: AWWW!

_Scene closes and opens with everyone coming back inside. The girls are soaking wet._

Monica: That was not fair!

Mike: It was so too fair!

Rachel: You took our clothes and made us chase you up the pier to get it!

Phoebe: Stop it! Stop the MADNESS!!!

_Everyone glares at her._

Phoebe: Why don't we just have the guys pick one more and then go to sleep.

_Everyone agrees._

Joey: Dare!

_All of the guys scream._

Rachel: AHA! We dare you all to sleep in the same bed tonight!

Guys: AHHH!

_The girls head up the stairs._

Monica: Goodnight boys!

_Scene closes and opens in a bedroom. All of the guys except for Joey are in underwear and a t-shirt. They are all laying in the same bed, a good foot away from Joey._

Joey: Come on guys! It's not that awkward!

Ross: No way. We aren't getting anywhere near you unless you put some clothes on!

_Scene closes and opens in the morning. Ross is decked out in a business suit._

_Everyone is sitting around the TV eating cereal._

_Ross gets up to leave._

Ross: Bye everyone, I'm heading to my speech.

_Everyone says various byes and whatevers._

_Ross heads out._

Rachel: Alright everyone, I'm heading for the airport.

Everyone: What?

Rachel: I'm going back to Paris.

Monica: Why?

Rachel: Things are still just too awkward with Ross.

Phoebe: So you're just going to leave without telling him?

Rachel: Yeah, that's all I can think to do.

Joey: Come on, give Ross a chance.

Rachel: I don't think I can guys. Bye.

_Rachel picks up a duffle bag full of clothes and heads out the door._

_(Twenty Minutes Later)_

_Ross rushes in._

Ross: I forgot my notes.

Monica: Where are they?

Ross: I don't know ask Rach. I showed her where I put them last night.

_Ross starts rushing around looking for his notes._

Monica: Ross, Rachel's gone.

Ross: What?

Phoebe: Yeah. She left like twenty minutes ago. She said she was going back to Paris early because it was just too weird here with you.

Ross: I'm going after her.

Phoebe: NOT AGAIN!

_Phoebe rushes upstairs._

Ross: I don't care what you say. I'm going after her.

Monica: Wait!

Ross: You can't stop me.

Monica: I know. She's at the airport on 10th. Her flight leaves in an hour. Hurry. Bring her home.

_Phoebe comes downstairs again and yells._

Phoebe: See? He's her lobster!

_Ross smiles and heads out the door._

_(An hour later)_

_Rachel comes in the door._

Rachel: I'm not leaving! I decided I had to stay with you guys while I could!

Everyone: OH CRAP!

_**Ending Credits**_

_Scene closes and opens._

_Ross is walking up and down the aisles of the plane looking for Rachel_Ross: Rach?…no. Rach?…no.

Ross' cell phone rings. Ross answers it.

Monica: Ross, I don't know how to tell you this, but…Rachel's here with us. She came back on our own.

Ross:…………

Flight attendant: We are now lifting off. Please take your seats.

Ross: Oh crap!

**Executive Producer: CapitolPress**

**Co-Producer: Boris Yeltsin**

_**Author's Note: **_I know I just released one yesterday, but I couldn't wait any longer to continue this story! "The One with the Camping Trip" is cancelled. I didn't really want to do three trip episodes in a row, so stay tuned for "The One with Emma's Half Brother" premiering by February 8th!

TTYL,

CapitolPress


	6. The One with Emma's Half Brother

The One with Emma's Half Brother

_Scene opens at Ross' apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch waiting for Ross to return from Paris. Ross enters with Emma in his arms. He sits her down._

Ross: Rach!

_Ross and Rachel run to each other. They hug._

Rachel: Oh, Ross. You were going to go after me…again.

Ross: Well, you're that important. So what are you going to do about Paris?

Rachel: Oh yeah. I guess I'll just spend my two weeks off here, and see where it goes from there.

Ross: Great.

_The two begin to kiss. Emma turns away. Susan enters with Ben. Ben is texting. He looks up._

Ben: My eyes!

_Ross and Rachel are startled and turn to greet the two._

Ross: What's up?

Carol: Oh not much, except for the fact that your son needs to wash his brain out.

Ross: Really.

Carol: I've been offered a job in Vermont and I need Ben to stay with you for a while.

Ross: Well, this is all sudden, but I guess he could stay here.

Ben(Sarcastically): Whoopie. Why can't Susan watch me?

Carol: Because, Ben, I told you that Susan headed to England last weekend on business.

Ben: Ugh.

Carol: Now Ben, you will be good for your father and Rachel.

_Ben resumes texting and picks up his bags._

Ben: Whatever.

_Carol hugs Ross._

Carol: I'll be back as soon as I can. Ben has his cellphone, some movies, videogames, and if you need to go back by the apartment, he also has a set of keys. Ben, be good now.

_Carol exits._

_Ross picks up Emma._

Ross: So Ben, would you like to meet your half sister?

_Ben looks up for a second._

Ben: Sup.

_Ben resumes texting._

Rachel: That's it! You better act with respect towards your father or you will be in severe trouble.

Ben: Fine. (Sarcastically) How are you Emma-WEMMA?!

_Ben picks up his stuff and goes to the guest room._

Ross: I can't believe how he's acting!

Rachel: I know. But you haven't really seen him in two years, and the last time I saw him was when I taught him those tricks.

Ross: I don't know, but I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. Ben!

_Ben comes in now playing his PSP GO__Ô._

Ben: What?

Ross: Come on, we're going to the coffee shop.

Ben: Ugh…

_**Opening Credits**_

_Scene closes and opens at Central Perk. Ben, Ross, Rachel, and Emma walk in. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch._

Ross: So where are Monica and Chandler?

Phoebe: Monica is at work and Chandler's watching the kids.

Rachel: Good luck Chandler.

Joey: Hey Ben!

_Ben looks up to glance then goes back to his game._

Joey: Well SORRY!

Ross: Ben's been acting strange lately.

Ben: SHUT UP!

_Everyone looks at him._

_Ross grabs Ben and takes him to the hallway outside the bathroom._

Ben: Ouch! Chill Dude!

Ross: I am not a 'Dude', and you better start treating all of us with respect!

Ben(Sarcastically): SORRY!

Ross: NO. You need to stop acting this way.

Ben: Sorry, I just have a lot going on now.

Ross: What do you mean.

Ben: I've been getting picked on at school.

Ross: What? Why?

Ben: Oh I don't know,…maybe the fact that I HAVE TWO MOMS!

Ross: Ben, I had no idea.

Ben: I just want a fresh start.

Ross: I understand how you feel.

Ben(crying): I just want it all to stop.

Ross: It's okay. Let's just get through this time you're with me and we'll talk about private school.

Ben: Okay.

Ross: Now are you ready to really meet your half-sister?

Ben: Yeah.

_The two come out from the hallway. Ben goes over to Emma._

Ben: Sup kid.

_Emma giggles._

_Ben picks her up._

Ben: She likes me already.

Phoebe: Oh. My stomach's been hurting really bad lately.

Joey: What do you feel like?

Phoebe: Well not too good. I keep throwing up constantly.

Rachel: Pheebs, it sounds like you have morning sickness.

Phoebe: Oh my…Mike's gonna flip…

_Mike walks in._

Mike: I'm gonna flip about what?

Phoebe: I might be pregnant.

_Mike faints._

Phoebe: Oh no.

_Scene closes and opens in Ross' apartment. Ben is playing with Emma. Ross is watching them._

_Ben is playing peek-a-boo with Emma._

_Emma giggles._

Ben: Wow, you sure are funny. You remind me of my girlfriend…oops.

_Ross glares at him._

Ross: Ben, did you just say you have a girlfriend?

Ben: No…

Ross: Oh my…what's her name?

Ben: Annie.

Ross: Have you two kissed yet?

Ben: Dad! No!

Ross: Wow. My little man has a girl…You don't actually have a little girl yet do you?

Ben: Dad!

Ross: Just kidding. I'm glad for you man.

Emma: Glawd!

Ross: Rachel! Come here! Emma said Glad!

Ben: Good job kid.

_Scene closes and opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment._

_Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch anxiously._

_A timer beeps._

Phoebe: Lets go check.

_Phoebe and Mike walk to the counter and look at the pregnancy test._

Phoebe: It's positive.

_Mike begins to cry._

_The two hug._

_Mike lets go._

Mike: Well, I hope this doesn't insult you too much, but could we go and have a DNA test done?

Phoebe: Sure, Mike, why?

Mike: Well…my last wife had a baby and when she came out of labor they discovered the kid was my brother's.

Phoebe: Wow. She messed you up real bad.

Mike: Yeah.

_Scene closes and opens at the doctors office. Mike is sitting in a chair and Phoebe is sitting on the examination table._

_Doctor walks in._

Doctor: Well I have some good news and some bad news.

Mike(Nervously): We'll take the bad news first.

Doctor: Well, I don't know how to say this, but…It's not your baby.

_Mike bursts into tears and runs out of the room._

Phoebe: What the hell was that?

Doctor: You didn't hear the good news yet.

Phoebe: What could possibly make this situation better?

Doctor: I get to go to Sbarro for lunch!

_Phoebe gives the doctor a dirty look._

_Scene closes and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ben is changing Emma. He gags. He lifts Emma off of the changing table._

Ben: There you go!

_Emma walks across the floor. Her diaper is on backwards. It falls off._

Emma: Whoopies!

Ben: Awww Dang it!

_Ross walks in._

Ross: It's okay Ben! It's only your first time.

_Ross picks up Emma and begins changing her._

Ben: So do you want to meet Annie?

Ross: I guess so. Why?

Ben: Because we sort of had plans to go out on a date tonight.

Ross: What? What did you plan to do?

Ben: We were going to see a movie and then going to dinner at Burger King.

Ross: And who is going to pay for this?

Ben: Mom gave me money for tonight before she left.

Ross: Fine. When is she getting here?

Ben: Any minute now.

Ross: Okay. I'll go get ready.

_Scene closes and opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe walks in to find Mike packing._

Phoebe: Mike, what are you doing?

Mike: I'm leaving. I think I made it pretty clear how I deal with cheating wives.

Phoebe: But I didn't cheat!

Mike: Oh yeah. That's what my ex-wife said as she slid her tongue down my brother's throat.

Phoebe: I really didn't! We'll get to the bottom of this. Just don't go!

Mike: YOU may get to the bottom of this, but you'll have to call me when you do.

_Mike leaves. Phoebe begins to cry._

_Scene closes and opens at a Burger King. Ben, and Annie are waiting for their food. Ross is at a separate table._

Annie: I had a great time tonight Ben.

Ben: Me too. Sorry about my dad though.

Annie: It's okay. My parents are really protective too.

Cashier: Order 18.

_Ross heads to get food._

Annie: You know what would make tonight even better?

Ben: What?

_Annie leans in and kisses Ben. Ross sees the two and runs over with the food._

Ross: WHO'S HUNGRY!

_Ben and Annie are torn apart._

Ross: Sorry Annie, but can I talk to my son for a second?

_Ross rushes Ben off to talk to him._

Ross: Ben! What was that?

Ben: What? We just had our first kiss.

Ross: That was seriously inappropriate!

Ben: What? We've been going out for three months now. That was not inappropriate compared to what adults do after their first dates.

Ross: Hey. That's not on topic right now. What is is the fact you were getting a taste of her tongue!

Ben: Come on, dad, I thought you would be cool about this.

Ross: I am, but the kissing is a little much.

Ben: Dad, it's okay.

Ross: No it's not! I just can't stand the thought of my little guy growing up so fast.

Ben: Well it's happening dad, and there's nothing you can do about it.

_Ben heads back to the table._

Ross: I know.

_**Ending Credits**_

_Scene opens in Central Perk._

_Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch with Jack and Erika._

_Joey walks in._

Joey: Hey guys. Where've you been?

Chandler: We really don't know.

Monica: I guess we weren't included this time.

Joey: Oh, well at least we know that there won't be a plot twist now!

Joey exit's the coffee shop.

_Phoebe is outside crying._

Joey: What's wrong Pheebs?

Phoebe: I'm pregnant and Mike's not the father.

_Phoebe runs off crying. Joey has an upset look on his face._

Joey: Crap.

***Executive Producers:**

**CapitolPress**

**Boris Yeltsin**

**Author's note:**

I made "The One with Emma's Half Brother", "The One with the DNA Test", and "The One with Carol's New Job" into one episode due to lack of story. Also a big thanks to Boris Yeltsin for Annie's character name and the main plot of this episode! "The One with the Smudged Glass" Is postponed. It may be included in "The One with the Hopeless Romantic"(which airs Valentine's Day) as a side story. Next up is "The One with the National Broadcasting Company" to air February 9th.

Sincerely,

CapitolPress


	7. The One with NBC

**The One with the National Broadcasting Company**

_**Scene opens in Central Perk. Everyone (Including Ben) are sitting around.**_

**Ben: So did you guys see last night's episode of TGS?**

**Rachel: Oh yeah! They did another segment of "Dealbreakers!"**

**Monica: "That's a Dealbreaker Ladies!"**

_**The girls laugh.**_

**Ross: I don't really like that show. It's just people sitting around and trying to make people laugh.**

**Chandler: Yeah. That's so sad. They should really get a hobby.**

**Monica: That's what you do all day.**

_**Chandler begins to sulk.**_

_**Joey rushes in.**_

**Joey: Guess what?**

**Chandler: The fifth dentist caved, and now they're all recommending Trident?**

**Monica: You've used that one before.**

_**Chandler continues to sulk.**_

**Phoebe: What Joey.**

**Joey: I just got tickets to TGS!!!**

_**The group cheers.**_

**Ben: How did you get them? I checked online and it's impossible to get even one!**

**Joey: They asked me to guest star on next week's show and they wanted me to get a feel of what I would have to do.**

**Ben: Awesome!**

**Ross: Whoopie…**

**Phoebe: When do we go?**

**Joey: Tonight! Filming starts tonight!**

**Everyone: Great!**

_**Joey leaves.**_

**Rachel: Well I'm going to go get ready.**

**Ben: Me too. I hope we get to meet Jenna Maroney!**

**Ross: Se you all later.**

_**Rachel, Ross, and Ben leave the coffee house.**_

**Monica: So how are you and Mike doing.**

**Phoebe: Well, considering I haven't been able to get a hold of him for the past week, I say we're pretty good.**

**Monica: I'm so sorry Pheebs.**

**Chandler: So it's not Mike's baby? Who's is it than?**

**Phoebe: I really don't know. I haven't been with anybody but Mike since we got married.**

**Monica: Well I hope things turn out okay. Me and Chandler are going to go now.**

**Phoebe: Bye.**

_**Phoebe is left alone.**_

_**Scene closes and opens in the lobby of NBC's New York office.**_

_**Tour group is forming. Kenneth is taking tickets.**_

**Kenneth: Here sir, let me take that for you.**

_**Kenneth goes around taking everyone's tickets**_

**Kenneth: Hi! I'm Kenneth Parcel. I will be your tour guide today! Maybe we'll even see some celebrities on this tour!**

_**Ben cheers.**_

**Kenneth: Let's be on our way!**

_**Kenneth leads group down a hallway and into an elevator.**_

**Kenneth: We're going to be venturing up to the floor where TGS with Tracy Jordan is filmed!**

_**Crowd cheers.**_

_**Elevator opens, and Tracy Jordan is standing there.**_

_**Crowd screams.**_

**Kenneth: Oh my gosh! It's Tracy Jordan!**

**Tracy: Sup ya'll! Who wants my autograph?**

_**Crowd forms a line around Tracy.**_

**Kenneth: One at a time! But please hurry! We're heading to the filming set next!**

_**Scene closes and opens with the group watching the TGS cast rehearse.**_

**Kenneth: This is where the cast of TGS rehearses. Tonight they will be filming for next week's episode. If you have a ticket to tonight's show, remember to be here by 5 o'clock. The filming will take a few hours.**

**Joey: Where do guest stars go?**

_**Everyone looks at Joey.**_

**Kenneth: Well if you were a guest star, you would find the head writer Liz Lemon.**

_**Joey rushes off.**_

**Woman in crowd: Hey, wasn't that Joey Tribiani?**

_**Crowd begins to talk uncontrollably.**_

**Kenneth: Please, calm down! If that was Joey Tribiani, you will be able to see him on the next episode of TGS.**

_**Scene closes and opens in a hallway. Joey is running down the hall. Joey runs into Pete.**_

**Joey: Hey, do you know where Liz Apple, or Orange, or some fruit is?**

**Pete: Liz Lemon? She's in the writer's room just down the hall. Hey, aren't you this week's guest star?**

**Joey: Yeah.**

_**Joey runs down the hallway.**_

_**Liz is speaking to the writers who are sitting around snacking on various foods.**_

_**Joey runs in.**_

**Joey: Hey, which one of you is Chizz Apple?**

**Liz: Uhh…I'm Liz Lemon?**

**Joey: Hey! I'm your guest star this week!**

**Liz: Oh! Joey Tribiani from Days of Our Lives, right?**

**Joey: Yeah!**

**Liz: Great! Head down to wardrobe and get ready! Jenna Maroney, Tracy Jordan, and Danny Baker should already be down there.**

_**Joey starts to head out.**_

_**Joey comes back in.**_

**Joey: Where is it?**

**Liz: Cerie, will you take Joey to wardrobe?**

**Cerie: Whatever.**

_**Joey and Cerie head out.**_

**Joey: How you doin?**

**Liz: I thought we cancelled him for this week!**

**Toofer: We did! That's why we gave him tickets for tonight's show!**

**Liz: Then why is he here?**

**Frank: Did you forget to change your form letter from "Welcome to the Cast" to "Sorry, we don't want you, you suck"?**

**Liz: I'm sure I did.**

**Toofer pulls up a laptop and checks form letter on NBC site.**

**Toofer: It says here that it was edited by a Ms. Liz Lemon and 2:39 PM on Saturday…**

**Liz: See?**

**Toofer: And changed again on Saturday at 3:14 PM by a ILUV-HOBOS123...**

_**All pause to think.**_

_**Lutz walks in.**_

**Everyone: LUTZ!!!**

_**Lutz starts to run off. Liz goes after him. **_

_**Scene closes and opens in Wardrobe. The TGS guest stars are all sitting in a row getting ready for dress rehearsal.**_

_**Joey rushes in.**_

**Joey: Are you Jenna, Tracy, and Danny?**

_**All agree.**_

**Joey: I'm Joey Tribiani and I'm your new guest star!**

_**Jenna screams loudly and attacks Joey.**_

**Danny: What's wrong with her?**

**Tracy: We always attack guest stars so they can never get a spot on the show.**

**Danny: I think she's being a little to paranoid about thi-**

_**Tracy jumps into the fight.**_

**Danny: Never mind.**

_**Scene closes and opens with all of the friends (including Ben) standing in line behind Kenneth waiting to go in **_

**Kenneth: Alright everybody, it's time for the show!**

_**Crowd hoots and hollers.**_

**Kenneth: Let's go!**

_**Crowd heads into the filming area.**_

_**Cast comes on, including Joey.**_

_**Scene closes and opens with everyone lining up on stage and taking their final bow.**_

**Jenna: Thanks everyone! Good night!**

_**Liz is talking to Pete off stage.**_

**Pete: So how was he?**

**Liz: Pretty good actually. It turns out that Lutz only wanted him on the show so he could play the lead in his "Super Hobo" sketch.**

**Pete: He's too obsessed with Hobos…Just like you with Ham and other **_**Deli meats and general food and hating your feet.**_

**Liz: That's Different!**

**Pete: Whatever. I was thinking that we could make Joey a regular on the show.**

**Liz: I don't know, let's see what the crowd thinks.**

_**Liz walks up on stage with a microphone in hand.**_

**Liz: So how many of you liked Joey on tonight's show?**

_**Crowd applauds heavily.**_

**Liz: Then how would you like it if he became a regular cast member?**

_**Crowd applauds even louder.**_

**Jenna: NO!!!**

_**Jenna tackles Liz.**_

**Tracy: Oh well…**

_**Tracy attacks Joey.**_

_**Pete sighs.**_

_**Scene closes and opens back at Central Perk. Joey is bandaged up from his various brawls. Everyone is sitting down relaxing, Ben is playing with Emma.**_

**Joey: Wasn't it so cool how I'm gonna be on TV?!**

_**Everyone mumbles.**_

**Joey: What?**

**Ross: It's not that big of a deal anymore.**

**Joey: Why?**

**Chandler: Cause you've been on Days of our Lives so long that we don't really care anymore.**

**Joey: Who cares what you think? I'm gonna try and get a date with Jenna Maroney.**

**Monica: After she ferociously attacked that writer who announced that you were becoming a regular? I don't think she'll go for that.**

**Joey: Oh. Well I'll just get that really hot secretary Cerie.**

_**Everyone groans in disapproval.**_

_**Phoebe begins to cry.**_

**Joey: What's wrong Pheebs?**

_**Phoebe rushes out.**_

_**Joey goes after her.**_

**Joey: Phoebe, what's wrong?**

**Phoebe(through sobbs): I'm just having a hard time dealing with Mike's and my separation. **

_**Joey hugs Phoebe.**_

**Joey: Pheebs, it'll be alright.**

**Phoebe: No it won't. It happened at my DNA test for the baby.**

**Joey: That's not something to be upset about. So Mike's got his underwear in a bind. He'll get over it.**

**Phoebe: It's like I told you before, it's not his baby.**

**Joey: I know. (nervously) Do you know who's it is though?**

**Phoebe: It's…It's…**

_**Scene goes to Phoebe rushing back in the coffee house.**_

**Phoebe: Joey fainted!**

_**Everyone rushes out.**_

**Rachel: Why did he fain?**

**Phoebe: It told him who the father is.**

**Ross: Who is it?**

**Phoebe: It's Ryan, my Navy boyfriend.**

**Monica: But how is that? He's been underwater for years.**

**Phoebe: I didn't tell you guys, but he resurfaced last week just for one day.**

**Rachel: Oh Phoebe.**

**Phoebe: It was an accident!**

**Chandler: I'm the funny man with no life and ****I**** can't even figure out how that could be and accident. EVEN SARCASTICALLY!**

**Phoebe: I know I shouldn't have done it, but I was sort of drunk and Mike was at a gig.**

**Ross: Phoebe, that's no excuse.**

**Phoebe: I know…I just wish he'd come back.**

**Monica: Where'd he go?**

**Phoebe: Uptown where his parents live. I just need to be alone right now. **

_**Phoebe leaves.**_

_**All leave to go back to their homes, leaving Joey behind.**_

_**Ending Credits**_

_Scene opens on same street. Joey is just waking up._

Joey: What?

_He gets up to find he has no shoes._

Joey: Oh well. I'm gonna be a big TV star!

_Joey walks off._

**Executive Producer: CapitolPress**

**Co-Producer: Boris Yeltsin**

**Author's Note:**Stay tuned for "The One with the Hopeless Romantic" to premiere on Valentine's Day! Send me comments to tell me new ideas and whether or not you liked the 30 Rock crossover parts. If I get a lot of people who don't like them, I'll cancel the rest of the 30 Rock crossovers. Remember: Send in your ideas!

P.S. I would also like your most excruciatingly embarrassing moments to be used as jokes in upcoming episodes.

Sincerely,

CapitolPress


	8. The Part where I go on Hiatus

The Part where I go on Hiatus

Hello readers! It's me, capitol press. I have decided to go on a two week hiatus. I will return in two weeks with "The One with the Soul Survivor(a two part event)". "The One with the Hopeless Romantic" has officially been cancelled. Thanks for reading, and see you March 1st!

Sincerely,

CapitolPress!


	9. TOW Rachel's New Offer Director's cut

The One with Rachel's New Offer

Scene opens with Joey waling into Ross' apartment. The house is a mess and Ross is wearing only boxers and looking very depressed.

Joey: Hey Ross. You still taking your and Rachel's breakup hard?

Ross mumbles something and lays down face first in a pillow.

Joey: Hey man, it's not that bad.

Ross leans up, obviously angry.

Ross: Not that bad? When I told her what I did to Mark she couldn't stop hurdling those pans at my head!

Joey: Well for all we know it's "Throw Pans at Ross" Day!

Ross tackles Joey

**Opening theme is played**

Scene opens at the Central Perk with Rachel sitting on the couch

whispering to Monica. Ross enters, and Rachel abruptly exits immediately.

Ross: Rach, wait!

Monica: Wow. You really stepped in it this time!

Ross: She told you huh.

Monica: I can't believe you didn't trust Rachel! That is the exact same reason you broke up before.

Ross: I know it was stupid of me, but they just seemed to be getting too close!

Monica: It's okay for women to have guys friends!

Ross: I know…I just can't believe I let this slip through my fingers again.

Rachel walks back in the door and orders a muffin to go. She turns around to see Ross and takes the muffin. She crushes it and squishes the crumbs in his hair. Gunther is standing behind the counter smiling widely. Ross stares angrily at him. Gunther leaves quietly. Rachel leaves.

Ross: So where's Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler?

Monica: Well Joey took Phoebe to the ear doctor due to an ear ache, and Chandler went to a advertising seminar in Albany.

Ross: So how are you guys?

Monica: Well our house alarm keeps going off, and-

Ross: Interesting Mon, but what do you think I should do about Rachel?

Monica: I don't know, you really messed up here Ross. Even worse than with the Xerox girl.

Scene closes and opens up at Central Perk. Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the couch reading "National Geographic". Rachel walks in and has a very stern look on her face. Ross looks stunned she is here. He invites her to sit down, but she refuses.

Rachel: Ross, we need to talk.

Monica: This is my cue.

Monica leaves.

Ross: What's wrong?

Rachel: I've been offered a new job in Paris.

Scene closes and opens at Phoebe's ear appointment.

Phoebe is sitting in a chair. Joey is sitting next to her.

Phoebe: Thanks for taking me to my appointment, Joey.

Joey: No problem.

Phoebe: I would've had Mike come, but he had to work at the mini-mart today.

Joey: Why?

Phoebe: Money's been tight, and when I had to get this check-up, he had to take a temp job just so we could pay for it.

Joey: That's terrible! Let me lend you money!

Phoebe: No, Joey, I couldn't have you do that.

Joey: Well if you won't take my money, then let me get you some signed Days of our lives stuff.

Phoebe: Like what?

Joey: Mugs, pictures of my love scenes, locks of my hair.

Phoebe: How do you sign hair?

Joey: Very carefully.

The doctor walks in.

His eyes are red and puffy.

He sniffs.

Doctor: Sorry I'm late, but my assistant died in the lobby about five minutes ago.

Phoebe screams.

Joey: What?

Phoebe: Remember that curse that killed my friend Albino Bob and what we thought killed Ugly Naked Guy?

Joey: Yeah.

Phoebe: It's returned!

Scene closes and opens at Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are sitting now. Ross on the couch, Rachel in the chair.

Ross: So what do you plan on doing?

Rachel: I don't know Ross. I don't think I should make a decision now because it may be based on my anger with you. I told Mark I would get back with him by the end of the week.

Ross: Wait, Mark? He offered you this job?

Rachel: Yes, Ross, he did. Do you STILL have a problem with him even after what just happened?

Ross: I..I..I..

Rachel: I knew I shouldn't have brought this up with you!

Rachel storms out.

Ross: Rach, wait!

Monica walks back in.

Ross: I thought you left!

Monica: I wasn't going to miss out on your guys' fight!

Ross: Monica!

Monica: Whatever. What did you tell Rachel?

Ross: Nothing. She's just upset because I still don't like how I still don't like Mark.

Monica: You really need to face facts; Mark isn't a bad guy. You just keep thinking that and getting you guys broken up!

Ross: But…

Monica: NO buts! You need to quit and make up with Rachel before she really moves away.

Monica leaves.

Scene closes and opens at Phoebe's doctor's appointment.

Phoebe is crying.

Joey: Phoebe, it's okay. It's not you.

Phoebe: How can you say that? I'm a Monster, I tell you, a hideous monster!

Joey: It's just a coincidence that she died just then.

Phoebe: Then how come people keep dropping like flies?

Joey: That old lady was really old.

Phoebe: How old?

Joey: Ancient. When you were waiting, I heard her say that she had a great life. She said she didn't mind dying anytime.

Phoebe: Really?

Joey: Yeah, she was talking how it was such a blessing to see the Louisiana purchase, and the extinction of dinosaurs.

Phoebe stops crying, but continues sniffing.

Phoebe: Thanks. I feel better.

Her doctor walks in, clamping his chest.

Doctor: I'm too young to die!

Phoebe begins to bawl again.

Scene closes and opens at Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is talking to Mark on the phone.

Rachel(to Mark): Okay…I'll get the next flight out.

Ross walks in.

Rachel sighs.

Rachel(to Mark): Ross just walked in. I'll see you in two days.

Ross: So your going. You're just throwing away what we have?

Rachel(screaming): What do we still have, Ross! Whatever we had flew out the window when Mark went to the ER!

Ross: I just couldn't stand the sight of him!

Rachel: Well, Ross, that's too bad! I'm leaving and I'm taking Emma with me.

Ross: No…not Emma.

Rachel: I'm sorry Ross. My mom will fly her out tomorrow. If you can prove to be responsible, she will bring Emma back in two months. I'm sorry, Ross, but this is how it is.

Ross(crying): NO…

Rachel leaves.

Ross sits down on the couch and begins to sob.

Scene closes and opens with Phoebe and Joey in Central Perk. Monica walks in.

Phoebe is crying.

Monica: What's wrong with Pheebs?

Joey: She thinks her doctor curse is back.

Monica: Well, I just saw Ugly Naked Guy jogging down the street. Not a pretty sight, but he was alive.

Phoebe: My curse wouldn't strike the same victim twice.

Monica: Don't be sad Pheebs, you're not the only one having a sucky day.

Phoebe: Who's day could be worse?

Monica: Ross' for one.

Joey: Why?

Monica: Rachel is taking a job in Paris.

Joey: What?

Phoebe: Now look what I've caused! True love is being ripped apart because of me! SOMEBODY STOP ME!

Phoebe begins to cry uncontrollably.

Scene closes.

**Ending Credits**

Scene opens at Monica's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch staring off into blank space.

Joey rushes in.

Joey: You're not moving to Paris!

Joey picks Rachel up and throws her into the bathroom and locks her in.

Rachel screams.

Joey: You aren't going to Paris on my watch, missy!

Rachel: Oh, it's so hot in here. I need to take my shirt off.

Joey opens the door in excitement.

Rachel rushes out.

Joey: Crap!

**Author's Note: **I revised this episode to give more info on what happened with Ross and Rachel. Enjoy everybody!


	10. The One in Paris Director's Cut

The One in Paris

Previously on Friends:

Ross is sitting on the couch reading "National Geographic". Rachel walks in and has a very stern look on her face. Ross looks stunned she is here. He invites her to sit down, but she refuses.

Rachel: Ross, we need to talk.

Ross: What's wrong?

Rachel: I've been offered a new job in Paris.

**Opening Theme**

(Two Months Later)

Scene opens in Monica's house. Rachel, Monica, and Chandler are sitting in the living room watching TV.

Monica: So, Rach, don't you have to be getting ready for your flight right about now?

Rachel: Yeah. I should be going. Man, I'm going to really miss you guys.

Chandler: So you still haven't talked to Ross?

Rachel: No, he won't answer my calls, and whenever I get to our apartment, he's gone.

Monica: Yeah, it's really been getting him down. It's been two days since I've talked to him, but you can still tell he's really upset.

Rachel: I really need to talk to him. If you see him, tell him to call me.

Monica: Okay.

Rachel: I'm going to go get Emma now.

Rachel leaves.

Monica and Chandler just stand motionless for five minutes. Ross quietly walks in without them knowing.

Chandler: Man, Ross must be depressed.

Monica: Yeah. I can't believe he's losing both of them.

Chandler: Too bad he can't just go after her in Paris.

Ross: Thanks guys!

Ross leaves immediately.

Chandler/Monica: Crap!

Scene closes and opens in Joey's apartment. Joey and his date are making out on his couch. Ross rushes in and startles the pair.

Ross: Joey! Get dressed and meet me at the airport! We're going after Rachel!

Joey's date starts out the door.

Joey: No! Wait!

Joey looks angrily at Ross. Ross runs out of the apartment.

Ross(Screaming down the Hall): Meet me at the airport in one hour!

Scene closes and opens at Newark Airport. The five friends along with Mike are in line to board.

Monica: I can't believe you talked us all into going with you, Ross! I'm just glad Mom could baby sit Jack and Erika on such short notice.

Phoebe: I can. Like I've said before, Paris is a city of Gunthers! I wasn't about to miss out on that!

Everyone stares at Phoebe.

Joey: Well you didn't have to come and ruin my date that was just about to amount to something!

Ross: You were making out on the couch!

Joey: So? That was just the pre-game!

Everyone shudders.

Chandler: Well it's okay with me. Keith and Kendra were going to come over tomorrow and give us full body makeovers.

Ross: Your new neighbors really seem to be obsessed with seeing you two naked.

Monica: It's frightening.

Lady over an intercom comes on and announces last call for flight 105 Paris.

Ross: This is it.

The gang boards the plane.

Scene closes and opens in a Paris airport.

The gang is coming out of the gate and heading towards customs.

Mike: It was completely uncalled for!

Joey: What? It so was not!

Ross: What happened?

Mike: Joey came into the bathroom while I was in there!

Joey: What's wrong with that?

Mike: There's only one room!

Joey: So?

Mike: You started to pee in the same toilet as me!

The whole group stares at Joey.

Joey: What? We both got the same stuff!

The group continues to stare.

Monica: So where did Rach say she worked?

Ross: Some place called Est Maintenant à la mode on 5th street.

Chandler: What does that even mean?

Mike: Now is the Fashion.

All stare at him.

Mike: What? In law school they made us learn French, Spanish, and German in case of international cases.

Joey: And they thought I was weird.

Group exits airport.

Scene closes and opens in a five-star hotel lobby. The gang is entering and heading to the check-in desk. They all start to head towards the desk.

Joey: Ooh! Cookies!

Joey leaves to eat cookies.

Phoebe: Mon, you did get a two bedroom suite so we could all share, right?

Monica: Of course.

The person in front of the group finishes and it is Monica and Chandler's turn.

John(the clerk): How may I help you?

Monica: The Double room suite. Name: Bing.

John: Ok. Here's your room key.

Monica: So how long are you and your brother planning on staying in our fair city?

Monica and Chandler glance at each other.

Monica: This is my husband!

John: Oh, that's a shame. You could've done way better. What about blondie over there?

Phoebe: Thanks, but I'm also married.(Phoebe points to Ross)Now Ross is all alone!

Ross whimpers and walks away towards Joey who is munching on free cookies.

Ross: So do you want to share a room to cut down the cost?

Joey: Okay, but I get the living room bed.

Ross: Crap!

Scene closes and opens in Ross and Joey's hotel room. There are two beds in the center of the room.

Joey: I call the one closest to the TV!

Ross: I have got to start thinking clearer!

Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Mike all walk in.

Monica: Okay, I thought that we would go grab some lunch at one of those outside cafés and pick up some food, then head to Rachel's studio and surprise her with lunch.

Ross: Sounds like a plan.

The group heads out the door.

Scene closes and opens in the lobby of Est Maintenant à la mode. Joey and the group walk in the door. He has raspberry sauce all over his white shirt.

Chandler: You do know that when someone yells DUCK! That it usually means a Frisbee is heading towards your head right?

Joey: How was I supposed to know that's what that French guy meant?

Chandler: I was the one who yelled it!

Monica, Ross, and Phoebe and Mike head to the desk while Joey and Chandler argue.

Secretary: How may I help you?

Phoebe: Yes, may we see Rachel Greene?

Secretary: I'm sorry, but Ms. Greene is in the middle of a photo shoot at this moment. That and I really shouldn't allow that man covered in raspberries up into the loft.

Monica: I'm sorry, but we were her best friends back in New York.

Secretary: Oh, your those guys! Oh, Ms. Greene never stops talking about you.(Angrily)I mean NEVER!

They all stare at her nervously.

Secretary: Maybe if she sees you guys, it will shut her up for a while.

Secretary pushes a button and a buzzing sound alarms. The elevator behind the desk opens.

Secretary: Before you go, I must ask that this…man changes.

Joey: Into what?

The secretary picks up a shirt from behind the counter and walks over to Joey. She rips the shirt off of him and buttons up the new one.

Joey looks alarmed throughout the whole process.

The group heads up and scene closes. Scene opens with Rachel directing a photo shoot of a man and a woman in very marvelous dress clothes.

Rachel(in French): More flare! More Sexy!(turning to a taco, bites, and looks dissatisfied(In English)) More meat!

Group comes up the elevator and walks out into the penthouse loft. Rachel turns around and gasps.

Rachel: OMG!(Turning to crew) Cut! Cut! Take 5 everybody!

Crew disassembles.

Rachel: Oh, you guys!

Rachel heads towards the group and hugs them all.

Monica: Wow! You sure have made quite a life for yourself here!

Phoebe: It's hard to believe it's only been three weeks.

Rachel: Yeah. It was pretty hard the first week, but then I took a class on all the words you need to know in the fashion industry and office small talk, so I'm good.

Mike: I'm glad you're having fun. I spent a whole month here studying the language. Before we go, I need to give you a tour of the town. I went everywhere.

Phoebe shoves her husband out of the way.

Phoebe: Rach!

Rachel: Pheebs!

Rachel and Phoebe hug. Rachel hugs Chandler and then Joey.

Joey: Hey, your hot secretary ripped off my shirt!

Rachel: Oh yeah. The French are more secure with bodies, so it's not an issue for them.

Joey makes a puzzling face.

Rachel turns to Ross. They both hug.

Rachel: I'm glad you came.

Ross: Me too. So where's Emma?

Rachel: I have a nanny and she's hanging out in my penthouse.

Joey: Penthouse?!

Rachel: Not like the magazine! But yeah. The company lets me rent it for a very cheap rate. It's almost as cheap as my half of the rent back at Monica's, and twice as big as the whole thing.

Monica tries not to be jealous.

Monica: So, we brought you some lunch!

Rachel: Oh, it's not French food is it?

Monica:…well…yeah.

Rachel: Yuck! I had that food for the last three weeks! I finally broke down today and bought me a taco, but they are so health conscious that it barely had any meat in them.

Monica: So what are we going to do with this food?

Joey: I'm on it!

Joey heads to the bag of food.

Phoebe: So you get to direct all of this?

Rachel: Well not all the time. Only when I design the outfits.(Rachel indicates towards the formal ware on the models)

Monica: Oh! I love that dress!

Rachel: Great! Kimberly?

Rachel's assistant rushes over.

Kimberly: Yes Madame?

Rachel: Pleas retrieve a size Medium Type C Ballgown from the storage room please?

Kimberly: Yes, Madame.

Monica: Wow! You have your own assistant?

Rachel: Yeah. It's was really cool at first, but not so much anymore.

Mike: Really?

Rachel: No, It ROCKS!

Chandler: So do you have to do anything else today, or can you come with us and go sight seeing?

Rachel: I really should stay and finish the shoot, but…Okay!

Kimberly rushes back from the elevator carrying a gown.

Rachel: Thank you Kimberly. Please tell Elena that I am clocking out early today.

Kimberly: Yes, Madame.

Kimberly rushes back to the elevator.

Rachel: SO COOL!

Scene closes and opens with the group standing on the Eiffel Tower. The group is standing all in line looking over the city.

Ross(Thinking): Wow. This would be the perfect time to apologize to Rachel. It is just so dang romantic up here. I think I'll just mosy on over there and…

As Ross starts to head closer to Rachel, Mark comes up the elevator.

Ross: Crap!

Everyone including Mark looks at Ross.

Ross: I think I dropped my gum.

Rachel: Hey, Mark!

Mark and Rachel exchange double kisses.

Rachel: I invited Mark to come hang out with us today. Well not US.(she points to herself, Monica, and Phoebe) but you guys.

Ross: What?

Rachel: Yeah. I have reservations for us girls to go to the Détente Dim spa house. I also have reservations for you five to go to the man's side of the spa to get massages and mud baths.

Chandler: Doesn't that sound kind of girly?

Monica: Oh what do you know? You take bubble baths all the time at the house.

Everyone laughs at Chandler.

Mark: It is actually very relaxing. You sit in the tubs, go to the steam rooms, head for your massage, and then back to the baths. It's very soothing.

Chandler: Fine.

The group heads towards the elevator.

Scene closes and opens at the spa house. All five guys are in robes and are heading towards the steam room/massage part of the building.

The group heads into the steam room wearing waist towels.

They all sit down.

Ross: Ahh! That steam feels so good!

Mark: Yeah, it really helps to come here after a stressful day at work.

Joey: So what are we doing later?

Mark: I talked to Rachel and I think that we're going to get a bite to eat.

Joey: Great! I'm starving!

Chandler: You just had a large triple patty melt with onion rings!

Joey: That was a snack!

Mike: So Mark, do you guys have any good piano bars here?

Mark: Nah, we don't really like those places. They're too cheesy.

Mike begins to sulk.

Mark: You guys ready to head to our massages?

Everyone agrees.

The group heads out and goes back to the locker room.

They begin to get fresh towels and checking on their stuff in the lockers.

Chandler: Where's my bag?

Joey: I don't know.

Joey laughs under his breath.

Chandler looks over to see his bag hanging in the shower next to a sweaty hairy guy.

Chandler: Oh, real funny, Joe.

Joey laughs out loud.

Chandler goes to get it.

Guy: Oh, is this your bag?

Chandler: Yes.

Guy: Oh, I'm sorry. I just put my dirty underpants in there. I didn't know who's it was.

Chandler: Oh, come on! You know what? Keep it.

Chandler begins to head out.

Ross: Where are you going?

Chandler: Back to the hotel to get more clothes.

Just as Chandler is about to leave, Joey steals his towel and shoves him out the door.

Chandler: Joey! This isn't funny!

Chandler begins to run off.

Joey and the rest of the guys start to laugh.

Scene closes and opens in the lounge room. The guys are sitting in their robes when the girls come in also wearing robes.

Rachel: So how was your girlie day out?

Ross: It was great.

All of the other guys agree.

Monica: I don't know about ours. That guy that massaged us looked kind of familiar.

Phoebe: You just weren't used to someone that muscular rubbing you. You're used to flabby Chandler, that's all.

Chandler: Hey!

Monica: I don't know…

Rachel: Oh, by the way you guys, I have reservations at the steakhouse on main at six, so let's head back to the hotel and get ready.

Scene closes and opens in Ross and Joey's hotel room.

Scene opens at the Steakhouse. All eight are around the table and are preparing to eat their food.

Everyone clanks their glasses together.

Everyone: Cheers!

Everyone drinks champagne.

Rachel takes a bite out of her Ravioli.

Rachel: Ow!

Rachel pulls a ring out of her ravioli.

Rachel glares at Ross.

Rachel: Of all the nerve! You dare put an engagement ring in my food after what you did to Mark? What is wrong with you?!

Rachel storms out.

Ross: Rach, wait!

Everyone looks at Ross.

Ross: What? I didn't do it!

Phoebe: Well Ross, it is very like you to do something like that!

Ross: But I didn't do it!

Monica: Well, if you didn't…then…

Everyone looks at Mark.

Mark: Yeah…

Ross leaves immediately.

Monica: Hey, Phoebe.

Phoebe: What?

Monica: That's the same guy from the spa house.

Phoebe: Wow, you're right. Maybe it's just his night job.

Monica: Well, maybe…Oh no! I forgot about him! He's the guy from the check-in desk in the hotel!

Monica gets up and goes over to the waiter.

Monica: Well listen here, buddy!

John: What?

Monica: You thought you could stalk me and I wouldn't find out?

John: But I…

Monica: But nothing! Get out of my life you creep!!!

Monica slaps him across the face.

John: What did I do?

Monica: Did you not understand what I just said? Stop stalking me!

John: But it wasn't me!

Monica: Of course it was! You were the guy from the hotel AND the spa house too!

John: But those were my triplet brothers!

Monica gasps.

Monica: I'm sorry I disturbed you.

Monica sits back down.

John leaves to the bathroom.

John looks at pictures he took from Monica's massage.

John: HAHAHA!!!

Scene closes and opens at Rachel's Penthouse. Rachel is sitting on her couch and crying. Ross enters.

Ross: Rach,…

Rachel: Just go away Ross.

Ross: But…

Rachel: But nothing! I thought that once you got here, you'd be mature about our situation and just accept it, but apparently you just wanted to go the extra step to embarrass me! How dare you-

Ross: It was Mark's ring!

Rachel: What?

Ross: It was Mark who was going to propose.

Rachel: But…

The door buzzes. Rachel heads to the intercom.

Rachel: Who is it?

Mark: It's me.

Rachel: Come on up. Ross! You've got to hide!

Ross hides in Rachel's walk-in living room closet.

Mark comes in the door.

Mark: So there was something I was wanting to ask you back in the restaurant, but you sort of stormed out before I could ask.

Rachel(Nervously): What?

Mark kneels on one knee.

Mark: Rachel Greene, will you marry me?

**Ending Credits**

Monica, Joey, Chandler, Phoebe, and Mike are at the restaurant.

Monica: Why didn't you propose to me like that?

Chandler: I was planning on something like that, but you did it first!

Monica: Only because you wouldn't stop talking about pig woo-hoo!

Phoebe: Yeah, I remember Mike proposed to me in many novelty ways. I just wouldn't keep my mouth shut.

Monica: At least Ross and Rachel are getting back together.

Joey: I wish I had somebody.

Waitress walks up.

Joey: How you doin'?

Joey gets up.

Joey and waitress leave together.

***Executive Producer: CapitolPress**

**Co-Producer: Boris Yeltsin**

**Author's Note: **Thanks to my new friend Boris Yeltsin for the idea of the stalker! This episode was originally in two parts as many of you may know from my episode list, but I wanted to get the story out there so much, so I made it into a super-size episode to make it up to all of you who have stuck by me even though my last episode was kind of crumby and I haven't been able to keep up with my release dates.

TTYL,

CapitolPress


	11. The One with the Perfect Proposals

_The One with the Perfect Proposals_

_Scene opens at Central Perk. Everyone is sitting around the table._

_Ross is on the phone._

_Ross(to Ben): Okay buddy, well have a good semester. Okay…bye._

_Monica: Was that Ben?_

_Ross: Yeah._

_Phoebe: I can't believe he decided to go with his girlfriend to her new boarding school in Vermont._

_Ross: I know. It was hard to let him go._

_Chandler: I once followed my girlfriend after high school all around the state just to be with her._

_Rachel: That's sweet._

_Chandler: Yeah, it was until she decided where she wanted to live. She broke up with me because the place she finally settled was right next to a guys only gym._

_Everyone: AWWW._

_Rachel: Well, I have got to get packing._

_Joey: You have to go back to Paris?_

_Rachel: Yeah. After I got that four month extension, they told me I would be fired if I didn't come back tomorrow._

_Chandler: I've got to get back to work too. It's not in anyplace foreign, but today we're working with burrito salesmen._

_Rachel and Chandler leave._

_Monica(To Ross): How do you feel about her leaving?_

_Ross: Well, I knew this day would come, but it's still hard._

_Monica: Do you remember when we were at mom and dad's anniversary in Massapequa?_

_Ross: Yeah._

_Monica: If you love her so much, why don't you use your fake proposal from then now?_

_Ross: Oh…I don't know. _

_Monica: Come on! I really want you guys to end up together._

_Phoebe: You really should. You guys are meant for each other._

_Ross: Thanks guys. I'll think about it._

_Ross leaves._

_The phone sitting behind Joey rings._

_Joey answers._

_Joey: Who's this?_

_Doctor(on phone): Hey, I'm Phoebe's doctor. I have some very important news for her regarding her sonogram and DNA tests._

_Joey: Pheebs. It's your doctor. It's about the DNA tests._

_Phoebe takes the phone._

_Phoebe: Yes?_

_Opening Credits_

_Scene opens at Ross and Rachel's apartment. _

_Emma is sitting and playing with toys. Rachel is packing the last of her things._

_Ross walks in._

_Ross: So…packing?_

_Rachel: Yeah._

_Ross: When does your flight leave?_

_Rachel: In five hours._

_Ross: When do you plan on coming back?_

_Rachel: I don't know yet. The executives are not too happy with me right now._

_Ross: Are you taking Emma with you?_

_Rachel: Yeah. I'm going to be flying her out here to you every month though._

_Ross: That's good. You want to go to dinner before you go?_

_Rachel: Sure._

_Rachel, Ross, and Emma leave._

_Scene opens at Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are sitting in the living room._

_Phoebe is on the phone talking to Mike._

_Phoebe(to mike): Mike! The doctor called and said he had the charts wrong. You are the father! Yeah…okay…see you then!_

_Phoebe hangs up the phone._

_Joey: So what'd he say?_

_Phoebe: He wants to meet me at the doctor's office to discuss things._

_Monica: That's great!_

_They all hug._

_Phoebe: Wait, this can't be good for the baby._

_They all back up._

_Scene closes and opens at a restaurant. Ross, Rachel, and Emma are all placed around the table._

_The food arrives._

_Ross: So, Rach, I was thinking about us all going to the planetarium later and-_

_Rachel's phone rings._

_Rachel answers the phone._

_Rachel(to Mark on phone): What? Okay, I can meet you in 5._

_Rachel hangs up the phone._

_Rachel: I'm sorry, Ross. Could you watch Emma? Mark needs to meet me downtown._

_Ross sighs._

_Ross: Fine._

_Rachel: Thank you, Ross!_

_Rachel leaves._

_Ross(to Emma): I guess it's just you and me, kid._

_Emma giggles and then spits up._

_Scene closes and opens at Phoebe's doctor's office._

_Mike is waiting._

_Phoebe, Monica, and Joey walk in._

_Phoebe runs to Mike for a hug._

_Mike rejects her._

_Mike: I'll hug you when I know the truth._

_Doctor walks in._

_Doctor: The Hanigans?_

_Mike: That's us._

_They all head in the room._

_They all sit down._

_Mike: So. Is what Phoebe said true?_

_Doctor: What? Oh._

_Doctor picks up the chart._

_Doctor: father…Rick._

_Mike: I knew it!_

_Doctor turns to Phoebe._

_Doctor: You're a very lucky lady La'Tisha McCain._

_Mike:…Wait…La'Tisha?_

_Doctor: You are the McCains right?_

_Mike: NO!_

_Doctor: Then who are you?_

_Monica: They're the Hanigans._

_Doctor: Oh, whoops?_

_Mike: Yeah whoops._

_Doctor: Here it is…father…Mike._

_Mike begins to cry._

_Phoebe and mike hug._

_Monica/Joey: AWWW._

_Scene closes and open at Mark's downtown office._

_Rachel walks in._

_Mark: Hey, Rach._

_Rachel: What'd you need?_

_Mark: Just needed to ask you something before we got swept up in the work life._

_Mark uses a remote and dims the lights and turns on romantic music._

_Rachel: What's this?_

_Mark begins to get on one knee._

_Rachel: Mark, this is wrong. You're engaged to Kimberly._

_Mark: No, I'm not. _

_Rachel: Did she say no?_

_Mark: No, I was just saying that because I was trying to get the courage to propose to you. So, Rachel Green, Will you marry me?_

_Rachel: Oh no._

_Scene closes and opens at Mike and Phoebe's apartment._

_Mike and Phoebe walk in the door alone._

_Mike is still teary eyed._

_Phoebe: Mike, are you okay?_

_Mike: Yeah, I'm just glad this is all over and we can get back to our lives._

_Phoebe: Yeah. We still need to find out if it's a boy or a girl._

_Mike: That can wait. I just want us to be together for a while._

_Phoebe: I know this is all a little traumatic, but it's okay now. Let's just settle down and relax._

_Mike: That sounds good._

_They kiss and hug._

_Scene closes and opens back at the restaurant._

_Ross and Emma are sitting alone._

_Emma spits up macaroni and cheese._

_Emma: Yuck!_

_Ross: Emma, you love mac'n'cheese!_

_Emma: MOMMY!_

_Ross: I know Em. I know, I'll call Mommy and have her meet us at the planetarium for her big surprise._

_Emma: Supise!_

_Ross gathers Emma and her things, leaves a check and gets on the phone with Rachel._

_Scene closes and opens at the planetarium. Rachel walks through the door._

_Ross is holding Emma. Emma is holding a lily. The room is filled with lily petals. _

_Rachel: Oh…_

_Emma: Mommy!_

_Emma squirms out of Ross' arms and rushes to Rachel._

_Rachel picks up Emma._

_Ross hits a button on a remote and "The Way You Look Tonight" starts to play._

_Ross: Surprise._

_Rachel: Oh…_

_Ross: I wanted to do this before you left for Paris. Listen, I know that you love your job, but I love you too. I can't live without you. I really want you to be my bride, not only to stay, but so we can have a real family. If you say yes, I promise that it will not end like my other marriages. If you agree, this will absolutely be my last wedding._

_Rachel: Ross, I-_

_Ross: I will love you 'til the end of time._

_Ross gets down on one knee._

_Ross: Rachel Green, will you marry me?_

_A long pause._

_Rachel: Ross, there's something I have to tell you…_

_Ending Credits_

_Scene opens at Joey's apartment. He's getting ready for bed. _

_Joey(thinking): Everything's turning out okay. Ross is proposing to Rachel, and they'll live happily ever after, and Phoebe and Mike will have a kid!_

_He lays down on his bed._

_Joey(thinking): I wonder what it'll be like twenty years from now…_

_**Executive Producer: **__Capitolpress_

_**Co-Producer: **__Boris Yeltsin_

_**Author's Note: **__Thank you all so much for being such great fans throughout my first attempt. I'm sorry that I couldn't post more and for leaving a cliff hanger, but season 12 will definitely have 20 episodes. Stay tuned for the premiere of the Lost Episodes to come starting march 17th__. Thank you for watching the finale! See you in April!_


End file.
